BY SHERI BUERGEY
I recently listened to an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast featuring Dr. Karl Pillemer, director of Cornell University’s Legacy Project—a long-running research initiative that has gathered life lessons from older Americans—and I found myself unexpectedly moved. It caught me off guard in the kind of way that makes you pause, rewind, and sit with your own life a little longer.
One idea in particular, stayed with me: Happiness, fulfillment, and purpose aren’t destinations you arrive at once conditions are finally perfect. They’re not waiting on the other side of the right job, the right title, or the right season of life. Instead, they’re shaped by the choices you make within the circumstances you’re already in.
On the podcast, Dr. Pillemer talked about how people who live fulfilling lives learn to distinguish between what they can control and what they can’t—and then stop waiting. They stop waiting to travel, to express love, or to find more meaningful work. Happiness, he said, isn’t a condition. It’s a choice you learn to make “in spite of things.”
As I listened, I realized how closely this mirrored my own career journey.
My own fulfillment came from self-knowledge—not from ladder-climbing
When I look back, the moments that shaped my worklife the most didn’t come from following a tidy plan or checking the “right” boxes on paper. They came from doing things that scared me; from saying yes to opportunities I didn’t feel qualified for and stretching abilities I hadn’t yet learned how to name.
I built my career by paying attention to what gave me energy and meaning, not what traditional, corporate ladder-climbing said should come next. That meant leaving roles that looked good from the outside, coming back when it made sense, and allowing myself to try, miss, and adjust along the way.
Good leaders mattered—a lot. I’m deeply grateful for the people who took chances on me, welcomed me back, and opened doors I couldn’t have opened alone. Those were graces I didn’t control.
But those moments only mattered because I had done the work to know myself first. Through trial and error, I learned what energized me, what drained me, and where I was forcing a fit. That self-awareness gave me something to advocate for. It allowed me to influence my path even when the circumstances themselves weren’t fully in my control.
Listening to that podcast episode reminded me that fulfillment never arrived after everything lined up. It showed up when I owned my choices; acting on what I was learning about myself, even when the next step felt uncertain.
That reflection is what prompted me to write this article.
The workplace ‘fulfillment trap’
It’s easy to forget, especially at work, that fulfillment—that ability to truly thrive in what we do—isn’t something we’re given once conditions improve. It’s something we participate in shaping, often long before everything feels settled.
Most of us are living in a trap. We assume happiness at work comes from our company, our boss, the perks, the next promotion, or the “perfect” job. We wait for external signals: “once we fix the culture,” “once we hire a better manager,” or “once we get that raise.” Meanwhile, the calendar flips, and we still feel a little hollow, or just there.
If this sounds familiar, here’s what’s happened: You’ve outsourced your fulfillment. You’ve invited external conditions to be the gatekeepers of your well-being. You’ve handed over the keys to your own happiness.
Consider the numbers. According to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace 2025 report, only about 31% of U.S. employees say they are engaged at work. Globally, engagement is even lower—around 21%. Well, Gallup calls it engagement, and elsewhere I’ve used the word “happiness,” but what’s really at stake is fulfillment—something far deeper than surface-level satisfaction or fleeting positive emotions.
Why does this matter? Because when you wait for your company, manager, or culture to give you fulfillment, you become powerless.
The next promotion doesn’t come? You feel stuck.
The culture change drags? You feel helpless.
The “right job” you’re waiting for may never appear because you’re still waiting.
And here’s the kicker: you might already have more room to experience fulfillment within your current role than you realize, but you’ve given it away.
You might think you need a new job, new manager, or new company. And maybe you will, someday. But if you change before understanding what really matters to you, you could end up in the same trap, just in a new place.
How could things feel different if you simply started to notice the trap? What if you considered which parts of your worklife fulfillment you’ve been handing over, and imagined what might happen if you took even a small piece back for yourself? This could mean admitting that a great-on-paper position no longer suits you, and beginning to explore ways to tailor your worklife to better fit who you are now. It could mean seeking out opportunities you thought you weren’t ready for, or giving yourself a second chance to take on responsibilities you weren’t up to at a previous stage in your career.
Until you notice the trap, the gap between today and the “someday” you’re waiting for can stretch longer than you think.
Ready to start noticing? Here are some tips to start small.
- Begin by naming what you’ve outsourced. Where are you waiting for someone else to provide validation, meaning, or permission to feel good about your work? Sometimes simply naming it makes the invisible visible.
- Then, look for the sparks. Those brief moments when you feel a flicker of energy, connection, or pride in what you’re doing. They’re clues, small but powerful, pointing you toward what fulfillment looks like for you.
- Finally, try reclaiming something tiny. One piece of your day you can shape or own. How you start your morning. How you show up in a meeting. How you reach out to someone who matters. Small acts of ownership can start to shift the story back into your hands.
Fulfillment doesn’t always require a leap. Sometimes it begins with seeing the trap, spotting the sparks, and choosing to hold on to just one key instead of giving them all away.
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Sheri Buergey is a certified career and strengths coach with more than 25 years of experience developing people, teams, and culture. She currently leads MeaningSphere’s brand and communications efforts.
